If you want other ways to ask someone “What are we?”, you can say “How would you describe our relationship?”, “Where do we stand?”, “How do you see us?”, “Are we on the same page?”, or “What are you looking for with me?” The best choice depends on how direct, polite, or casual you want to sound.
Top alternatives: How would you describe our relationship?, Where do we stand?, How do you see us?, Are we on the same page?, What are you looking for with me?
The question “What are we?” is short, but it can feel very direct. People often use it when they want clarity about the nature or direction of a relationship.
If you are looking for other ways to ask someone what are we, the best expression depends on your tone and situation. Some alternatives sound gentle and open, while others are more direct or serious.
Learning different ways to express the same idea helps you communicate naturally. Instead of repeating one question, you can choose words that match the conversation and the level of clarity you want.
The right wording can make a difficult conversation feel much easier.
Quick Categories
Formal Alternatives
- How would you describe our relationship?
- How do you view our relationship?
- How would you define our relationship?
- Where do you believe we stand?
- How do you see the nature of our relationship?
Pro Tip
Formal wording is useful when you want to sound thoughtful and careful. In everyday conversations, however, some of these phrases may sound more serious than necessary.
Professional Alternatives
These expressions are generally better understood as clear, respectful communication rather than professional workplace phrases:
- Are we on the same page?
- Could we clarify where we stand?
- What are your expectations?
- How do you see things between us?
- What are you looking for?
Pro Tip
Choose a phrase that communicates your purpose without making assumptions about the other person’s feelings.
Business Email Alternatives
Because “What are we?” is normally a personal question, it does not have a direct business equivalent. If you are using the underlying idea of clarifying a relationship or arrangement, you could write:
- Could we clarify our current arrangement?
- How would you describe our working relationship?
- Are we aligned on our expectations?
- Could we clarify where things currently stand?
- What are the next steps for our collaboration?
Pro Tip
In professional communication, clarify the relationship, expectations, or arrangement rather than using “What are we?”
Academic Alternatives
For academic writing, the personal question can be expressed more objectively:
- How should this relationship be defined?
- What is the nature of their relationship?
- How can their relationship be characterized?
- What type of relationship exists between them?
- How should their connection be understood?
Pro Tip
Academic English usually avoids conversational questions and uses precise nouns such as relationship, connection, interaction, or association.
Casual Alternatives
- So, what are we?
- Where do we stand?
- How do you see us?
- What are we doing here?
- What do you think we are?
Pro Tip
These sound natural in relaxed conversation, especially when both people already understand the context.
Informal Expressions
- So… what is this between us?
- What’s going on with us?
- Where is this going?
- What are we doing?
- What do you see happening between us?
Pro Tip
Informal expressions can sound more natural, but some are less precise. If you need a clear answer, choose a question that directly asks about expectations or the relationship.
Common Mistakes
1. Saying “What we are?”
Why it is incorrect: In a direct question, the verb normally comes before the subject.
Correct version: “What are we?”
Example: “We’ve been spending a lot of time together. What are we?”
2. Asking “What is our?”
Why it is incorrect: Our is a possessive determiner and needs a noun after it.
Correct version: “What is our relationship?”
Example: “What is our relationship at this point?”
3. Using “What are we together?”
Why it can sound awkward: The phrase does not clearly express the intended question about relationship status.
Better version: “How do you see us?”
Example: “I’d like to know how you see us.”
4. Using very formal language in a casual conversation
Mistake: “How would you characterize the nature of our interpersonal relationship?”
Why it is unsuitable: It is grammatically possible but unnecessarily academic for an ordinary conversation.
Better version: “How would you describe our relationship?”
5. Assuming the answer before asking
Mistake: “When are we officially becoming a couple?”
Why it can be problematic: It assumes that both people already want the same outcome.
Better version: “How do you see our relationship?”
What Does “What Are We?” Mean?
“What are we?” is an informal question used to ask how another person defines the relationship between the two of you.
The question usually seeks clarity. The speaker may want to understand whether the relationship is casual, developing, committed, friendly, or something else.
Grammatically, “What are we?” uses the verb are before the subject we because it is a direct question.
Natural example:
“We’ve been talking for a while, so I wanted to ask: what are we?”
The exact meaning depends on context. The question does not automatically imply one particular type of relationship.
When to Use “What Are We?”
You might use the phrase when:
- You want to clarify expectations.
- You are unsure how another person views the relationship.
- The relationship has changed and you want to discuss it.
- You want to avoid making assumptions.
- You need a direct answer.
It can work in:
- Daily conversation: Yes
- Spoken English: Very common
- Personal conversations: Common
- Formal writing: Usually inappropriate
- Academic writing: Usually inappropriate
- Business communication: Not appropriate in its personal meaning
For a more careful tone, “How would you describe our relationship?” is often a better choice.
Clarity does not require complicated vocabulary.
Is “What Are We?” Professional or Polite?
Polite? ✔ It can be, depending on tone.
Professional? ✘ Not when asking about a personal relationship.
Formal? ✘ It is generally informal.
Natural? ✔ Yes, especially in spoken English.
The phrase itself is not rude. However, it can feel direct because it asks the other person to define the relationship.
If you want to soften the question, try:
“I’ve been wondering how you see our relationship.”
If you want to be more direct:
“Where do we stand?”
If you want to focus on expectations:
“What are you looking for?”
The best choice depends on what you actually want to learn.
Pros and Cons
Pros
- Very easy to understand.
- Short and direct.
- Natural in conversation.
- Clearly signals that you want clarity.
- Allows the other person to explain their perspective.
Cons
- Can feel emotionally serious.
- May sound abrupt without context.
- Does not specify what kind of answer you want.
- Can create confusion if the relationship itself has not been discussed.
Other Ways to Ask Someone What Are We? (With Examples)
These alternatives give you more control over tone. Some are direct, while others invite a broader conversation.
1. Phrase: How Would You Describe Our Relationship?
Meaning: You are asking the other person how they personally define the relationship.
Explanation: This is one of the clearest alternatives because it focuses on the other person’s perspective rather than assuming an answer. It sounds neutral, thoughtful, and respectful.
Example Sentence:
“I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, and I’m curious how you would describe our relationship.”
Best Use: Personal Conversation
Avoid Using In: Very Casual Texts
Tone: Thoughtful, Respectful
Formality Level: ⭐⭐⭐ Neutral
Usage Frequency: Common
CEFR Level: B2
Common Collocations:
- describe our relationship
- define a relationship
- describe the situation
- describe how you feel
Context Variability:
- Spoken English: “How would you describe our relationship?”
- Professional English: “How would you describe our working relationship?”
- Casual Conversation: “So, how would you describe us?”
2. Phrase: Where Do We Stand?
Meaning: You are asking for clarity about the current state of the relationship.
Explanation: This expression is concise and natural. It can be personal or professional depending on context, making it particularly flexible.
Example Sentence:
“Before we make any plans, I think we should talk about where we stand.”
Best Use: Serious Conversation
Avoid Using In: Academic Essays
Tone: Direct, Calm
Formality Level: ⭐⭐⭐ Neutral
Usage Frequency: Very Common
CEFR Level: B1
Common Collocations:
- know where we stand
- clarify where we stand
- understand where we stand
- discuss where we stand
Context Variability:
- Spoken English: “Can we talk about where we stand?”
- Professional English: “Let’s clarify where we stand on this project.”
- Casual Conversation: “So, where do we stand?”
3. Phrase: How Do You See Us?
Meaning: You are asking how the other person views the relationship.
Explanation: This is softer than “What are we?” because it invites the person to explain their perspective. It is natural in spoken English.
Example Sentence:
“I don’t want to make assumptions, so I wanted to ask how you see us.”
Best Use: Gentle Conversation
Avoid Using In: Formal Writing
Tone: Gentle, Open
Formality Level: ⭐⭐⭐ Neutral
Usage Frequency: Common
CEFR Level: B1
Common Collocations:
- see us
- see our relationship
- see things
- see the situation
Context Variability:
- Spoken English: “How do you see us?”
- Professional English: “How do you see our collaboration developing?”
- Casual Conversation: “How do you see this?”
4. Phrase: What Are You Looking For?
Meaning: You are asking about the other person’s intentions or expectations.
Explanation: This question focuses more on future expectations than the current label. It is useful when you want to understand what the other person wants.
Example Sentence:
“I think it would help to know what you’re looking for.”
Best Use: Clarifying Intentions
Avoid Using In: Academic Writing
Tone: Direct, Open
Formality Level: ⭐⭐⭐ Neutral
Usage Frequency: Very Common
CEFR Level: B1
Common Collocations:
- looking for clarity
- looking for something serious
- looking for a relationship
- looking for an answer
Context Variability:
- Spoken English: “What are you looking for?”
- Professional English: “What are you looking for from this partnership?”
- Casual Conversation: “So, what are you looking for?”
5. Phrase: Are We on the Same Page?
Meaning: You are asking whether both people understand the situation in the same way.
Explanation: This idiom is friendly and indirect. It is extremely common in modern English, including workplace communication.
Example Sentence:
“Before we move forward, I just want to make sure we’re on the same page.”
Best Use: Clarifying Expectations
Avoid Using In: Highly Formal Writing
Tone: Friendly, Collaborative
Formality Level: ⭐⭐⭐ Neutral
Usage Frequency: Very Common
CEFR Level: B2
Common Collocations:
- on the same page
- make sure we agree
- share the same understanding
- clarify expectations
Context Variability:
- Spoken English: “Are we on the same page?”
- Professional English: “I want to make sure we’re on the same page.”
- Casual Conversation: “Are we on the same page about this?”
Native Speaker Tip: “Where do we stand?” and “How do you see us?” sound particularly natural when discussing a personal relationship. “Are we on the same page?” is broader and works well for both personal and professional contexts.
6. Phrase: What Do You Think We Are?
Meaning: You are directly asking the other person how they define the relationship.
Explanation: This is close in meaning to “What are we?” but slightly more conversational. It places emphasis on the other person’s opinion.
Example Sentence:
“We’ve become pretty close lately. What do you think we are?”
Best Use: Direct Conversation
Avoid Using In: Formal Emails
Tone: Direct, Personal
Formality Level: ⭐⭐ Casual
Usage Frequency: Common
CEFR Level: B1
Common Collocations:
- think we are
- think about us
- think of our relationship
- think things are going
Context Variability:
- Spoken English: “What do you think we are?”
- Professional English: Usually replace with “How do you view our working relationship?”
- Casual Conversation: “So, what do you think we are?”
7. Phrase: What Is This Between Us?
Meaning: You are asking how the connection between two people should be understood.
Explanation: This expression is more indirect and can sound reflective. It is common in personal conversations but less precise than asking about expectations.
Example Sentence:
“I’ve been thinking about what this is between us.”
Best Use: Reflective Conversation
Avoid Using In: Professional Communication
Tone: Reflective, Personal
Formality Level: ⭐⭐ Casual
Usage Frequency: Occasional
CEFR Level: B2
Common Collocations:
- this between us
- something between us
- connection between us
- relationship between us
Context Variability:
- Spoken English: “What is this between us?”
- Professional English: Use “What is the nature of our working relationship?”
- Casual Conversation: “So, what is this between us?”
8. Phrase: How Do You Define Our Relationship?
Meaning: You are asking the other person to give a clear definition of the relationship.
Explanation: This sounds more deliberate and serious than “How do you see us?” It is useful when you want an explicit answer.
Example Sentence:
“I’d like to understand how you define our relationship.”
Best Use: Serious Discussion
Avoid Using In: Light Conversation
Tone: Serious, Respectful
Formality Level: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ Formal
Usage Frequency: Occasional
CEFR Level: B2
Common Collocations:
- define a relationship
- clearly define
- define expectations
- define the relationship
Context Variability:
- Spoken English: “How do you define our relationship?”
- Professional English: “How would you define our working relationship?”
- Casual Conversation: “How would you define us?”
9. Phrase: What Are Your Expectations?
Meaning: You are asking what the other person expects from the relationship or situation.
Explanation: This phrase shifts the discussion from labels to expectations. It can therefore lead to a more useful conversation when people have different ideas about what happens next.
Example Sentence:
“Before we continue, I think we should talk about our expectations.”
Best Use: Expectation Setting
Avoid Using In: Casual Small Talk
Tone: Clear, Mature
Formality Level: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ Formal
Usage Frequency: Common
CEFR Level: B2
Common Collocations:
- expectations about
- mutual expectations
- clarify expectations
- discuss expectations
Context Variability:
- Spoken English: “What are your expectations?”
- Professional English: “Could we clarify our expectations?”
- Casual Conversation: “What are you expecting from this?”
10. Phrase: Where Is This Going?
Meaning: You are asking about the likely direction or future of the relationship.
Explanation: This question focuses on direction rather than a label. It is natural but can sound serious if the conversation has not previously addressed expectations.
Example Sentence:
“I’ve enjoyed spending time together, but I’m wondering where this is going.”
Best Use: Future Discussion
Avoid Using In: Academic Writing
Tone: Direct, Reflective
Formality Level: ⭐⭐ Casual
Usage Frequency: Common
CEFR Level: B1
Common Collocations:
- where this is going
- see where it goes
- relationship is going
- going forward
Context Variability:
- Spoken English: “Where is this going?”
- Professional English: “Where is this project going?”
- Casual Conversation: “So, where is this going?”
Expert Insight
When you need clarity, focus on the information you actually want. “What are we?” asks for a label, while “What are you looking for?” asks about intentions and “Where is this going?” asks about direction. In a careful conversation, the latter questions can sometimes produce more useful answers.
11. Phrase: Could We Clarify Where We Stand?
Meaning: You are politely asking for a clear understanding of the current situation.
Explanation: This is more formal and careful than “Where do we stand?” It works especially well when you want to sound respectful and avoid sounding demanding.
Example Sentence:
“I value our communication, so could we clarify where we stand?”
Best Use: Careful Discussion
Avoid Using In: Very Casual Chats
Tone: Polite, Careful
Formality Level: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ Formal
Usage Frequency: Occasional
CEFR Level: B2
Common Collocations:
- clarify where we stand
- clarify expectations
- clarify the situation
- seek clarification
Context Variability:
- Spoken English: “Could we clarify where we stand?”
- Professional English: “Could we clarify where we stand regarding the project?”
- Casual Conversation: “Can we clarify where we stand?”
12. Phrase: How Do You View Our Relationship?
Meaning: You are asking for the other person’s perspective on the relationship.
Explanation: This expression is thoughtful and somewhat formal. It is useful when you want to avoid the bluntness of “What are we?”
Example Sentence:
“I’d appreciate knowing how you view our relationship.”
Best Use: Thoughtful Conversation
Avoid Using In: Very Casual Chats
Tone: Thoughtful, Respectful
Formality Level: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ Formal
Usage Frequency: Occasional
CEFR Level: C1
Common Collocations:
- view our relationship
- view the situation
- personal perspective
- view things differently
Context Variability:
- Spoken English: “How do you view our relationship?”
- Professional English: “How do you view our working relationship?”
- Casual Conversation: “How do you see our relationship?”
13. Phrase: What Do You See Happening Between Us?
Meaning: You are asking what the other person thinks may happen in the relationship.
Explanation: This expression looks toward the future. It is softer than demanding a label but still asks for meaningful clarity.
Example Sentence:
“We’ve gotten to know each other better, so what do you see happening between us?”
Best Use: Future Discussion
Avoid Using In: Formal Documents
Tone: Open, Curious
Formality Level: ⭐⭐⭐ Neutral
Usage Frequency: Occasional
CEFR Level: B2
Common Collocations:
- see happening
- see developing
- see a future
- see things progressing
Context Variability:
- Spoken English: “What do you see happening between us?”
- Professional English: “What do you see happening with this collaboration?”
- Casual Conversation: “What do you see happening?”
14. Phrase: What Are We Doing Here?
Meaning: Depending on context, this can ask what purpose or direction a situation has.
Explanation: This is highly context-dependent. It can sound casual, frustrated, or confused, so it is not always a direct replacement for “What are we?”
Example Sentence:
“We keep having the same conversation, and I’m wondering what we’re doing here.”
Best Use: Informal Discussion
Avoid Using In: Formal Conversations
Tone: Casual, Direct
Formality Level: ⭐⭐ Casual
Usage Frequency: Common
CEFR Level: B1
Common Collocations:
- what are we doing
- doing this
- doing here
- doing together
Context Variability:
- Spoken English: “What are we doing here?”
- Professional English: “What are we trying to achieve here?”
- Casual Conversation: “So, what are we doing?”
15. Phrase: What Do You Want This Relationship to Be?
Meaning: You are asking the other person what kind of relationship they want.
Explanation: This is one of the most direct alternatives because it asks about desired direction. It is useful when vague language has not provided enough clarity.
Example Sentence:
“I think we should be honest about what we want this relationship to be.”
Best Use: Direct Discussion
Avoid Using In: Casual Small Talk
Tone: Direct, Honest
Formality Level: ⭐⭐⭐ Neutral
Usage Frequency: Common
CEFR Level: B2
Common Collocations:
- want a relationship
- want this to be
- relationship to become
- decide what you want
Context Variability:
- Spoken English: “What do you want this relationship to be?”
- Professional English: “What do you want this partnership to become?”
- Casual Conversation: “What do you want this to be?”
The most natural phrase is not always the most formal one; it is the one that fits the situation.
Native Speaker Tip
For everyday conversation, “Where do we stand?”, “How do you see us?”, and “What are we?” are natural choices. “How would you define our relationship?” sounds more deliberate and formal. Avoid overly complicated wording when a simple question communicates the idea clearly.
Avoid These in Formal Situations
These expressions may be understandable but are usually unsuitable when you need polished, formal English:
- “So, what are we?” Too conversational for formal writing.
- “What’s going on with us?” Very informal.
- “What are we doing?” Too vague without context.
- “Where is this going?” Conversational and somewhat indirect.
- “What’s this thing between us?” Informal and imprecise.
Better formal alternatives include:
- “How would you describe our relationship?”
- “How do you view our relationship?”
- “Could we clarify where we stand?”
- “What are your expectations?”
- “How would you define our relationship?”
Best Phrases by Situation
| Situation | Suitable Phrase |
| Business Email | Could we clarify where we stand? |
| Client Meeting | Are we on the same page? |
| Academic Essay | What is the nature of their relationship? |
| Presentation | How would you describe the relationship? |
| Workplace Discussion | Could we clarify our expectations? |
| Job Interview | What are your expectations? |
| Team Collaboration | Are we on the same page? |
| Everyday Conversation | Where do we stand? |
See Also
- Other Ways to Say “I Agree With You”
- Professional English Guide: Phrases for Clear Communication
Top 10 Alternatives Compared
| Phrase | Tone | Formality | Best Use | Frequency |
| How would you describe our relationship? | Thoughtful | ⭐⭐⭐ | Personal discussion | Common |
| Where do we stand? | Direct | ⭐⭐⭐ | Clarifying status | Very Common |
| How do you see us? | Gentle | ⭐⭐⭐ | Personal conversation | Common |
| What are you looking for? | Direct | ⭐⭐⭐ | Expectations | Very Common |
| Are we on the same page? | Collaborative | ⭐⭐⭐ | Shared understanding | Very Common |
| What do you think we are? | Direct | ⭐⭐ | Casual discussion | Common |
| What is this between us? | Reflective | ⭐⭐ | Personal discussion | Occasional |
| How do you define our relationship? | Formal | ⭐⭐⭐⭐ | Serious discussion | Occasional |
| Where is this going? | Informal | ⭐⭐ | Future direction | Common |
| What do you want this relationship to be? | Direct | ⭐⭐⭐ | Clear expectations | Common |
Which One Should You Use?
Best Overall
“Where do we stand?” is concise, natural, and flexible when you want clarity.
Best Professional
“Are we on the same page?” works well when discussing shared expectations or understanding.
Best Academic
“What is the nature of their relationship?” is more appropriate for objective academic writing.
Best Business Email
“Could we clarify where we stand?” is polite and professional when discussing an arrangement or situation.
Best Everyday Conversation
“How do you see us?” sounds natural and leaves room for the other person to explain.
Most Natural
“What are we?” remains the simplest direct expression in casual spoken English.
Most Polite
“How would you describe our relationship?” gives the other person space to explain their perspective.
Commonly Confused Phrases
“What are we?” vs. “Where do we stand?”
“What are we?” asks for a definition or label. “Where do we stand?” asks about the current state of the relationship and can be broader.
“How do you see us?” vs. “What are we?”
“How do you see us?” focuses on the other person’s perspective. “What are we?” is more direct and usually asks for a clearer definition.
“I concur” vs. “I agree”
These expressions belong to a completely different context. “I concur” means “I agree,” while “What are we?” asks about the nature of a relationship. Do not substitute one for the other simply because both involve asking about someone’s position.
“I support your view” vs. “Are we on the same page?”
Again, the meanings differ. “I support your view” expresses agreement with an opinion. “Are we on the same page?” checks whether two people share the same understanding.
Scenario Practice
1. Business Meeting
Situation: Your team has discussed a project, but everyone seems to have different expectations.
Which phrase would you choose?
Answer: “Are we on the same page?”
Why: It is a common professional expression for checking shared understanding.
2. Job Interview
Situation: You want to understand what an employer expects from a role.
Which phrase would you choose?
Answer: “What are your expectations for this role?”
Why: It is clearer and more professional than “What are we?”
3. Presentation
Situation: You want to explain the connection between two concepts.
Which phrase would you choose?
Answer: “How would you describe the relationship between these two ideas?”
Why: It is precise and suitable for a presentation.
4. Class Discussion
Situation: Students are discussing two characters in a novel.
Which phrase would you choose?
Answer: “How would you describe their relationship?”
Why: This is objective and works well in academic discussion.
5. Personal Conversation
Situation: You want to understand how another person views your relationship.
Which phrase would you choose?
Answer: “How do you see us?”
Why: It is natural, open, and less blunt than simply asking “What are we?”
Mini Quiz
1. Which phrase is most suitable for a workplace discussion?
A. What are we?
B. What’s this thing?
C. Are we on the same page?
D. Where is this going?
2. Which expression most directly asks about a relationship’s definition?
A. How would you define our relationship?
B. What are you doing?
C. Are we there yet?
D. What’s going on?
3. Which phrase is most casual?
A. How do you view our relationship?
B. What are we?
C. Could we clarify where we stand?
D. How would you characterize the relationship?
4. Which phrase focuses on future direction?
A. Where is this going?
B. What are we?
C. How do you view this?
D. Are we on the same page?
5. Which expression focuses on expectations?
A. What are your expectations?
B. What are we?
C. What is this between us?
D. How do you see us?
Answer Key
- C “Are we on the same page?” is common in professional communication.
- A It directly asks how the relationship should be defined.
- B “What are we?” is short and informal.
- A “Where is this going?” asks about direction or future development.
- A It directly asks about expectations.
FAQs
What is the most formal way to say “What are we?”
A more formal alternative is “How would you define our relationship?” or “How would you describe our relationship?” These expressions sound more deliberate and respectful than “What are we?” They are useful when you want a clear answer without making the question sound too abrupt or casual.
Which phrase is best for professional emails?
For professional communication, avoid using “What are we?” in its personal sense. If you need to clarify a business relationship or arrangement, use “Could we clarify where we stand?”, “Are we aligned on our expectations?”, or “How would you describe our working relationship?”
What is the difference between “What are we?” and “Where do we stand?”
“What are we?” usually asks how the relationship should be defined. “Where do we stand?” focuses more on the current situation or level of understanding. The second phrase is also more flexible because it can be used in personal and professional contexts.
Which alternative sounds most natural?
For everyday spoken English, “What are we?”, “Where do we stand?”, and “How do you see us?” are all natural. The best choice depends on your purpose. Use “What are we?” for directness, “Where do we stand?” for clarity, and “How do you see us?” for a softer approach.
Can I use these expressions in business meetings?
Some can be adapted for business communication. “Are we on the same page?”, “Could we clarify where we stand?”, and “What are your expectations?” are useful professional expressions. However, personal expressions such as “What are we?” should not normally be transferred directly into workplace communication.
Conclusion
Learning different ways to ask “What are we?” gives you more control over your English. Instead of relying on one direct question, you can choose an expression that matches your purpose, such as “Where do we stand?”, “How do you see us?”, or “How would you describe our relationship?” Each phrase carries a slightly different tone.
The key is to practice these expressions in realistic conversations. Try them in spoken English, personal discussions, professional situations, and writing where appropriate. When you understand the difference between direct, gentle, formal, and casual language, your English becomes clearer and more natural. The goal is not to use the biggest words it is to choose the right words with confidence.
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